Biting Hurts VII
Start Statements

Since toddlers and two's are learning the rules regarding appropriate behavior, I keep verbal instruction short, simple and non-confrontational. First, avoid the "no", "stop" and "don't" words or variations on the theme, such as "quit it" and "uh, uh, uh". Think of what it is that you want the child to do, not what you want the child to stop doing. Then, state it in simple, positive and universal terms. In the case of biting, the statement might be "We play safely with our friends" or "We use our teeth to chew food" (I'm not concerned whether the child might be aware of any implied meaning, such as, "We don't chew our friends!"). In response to climbing behavior, we might state "Our feet stay on the floor" or, in the case of hitting or pushing, it might be "We use our safe hands with Joe". Because we are so often used to responding to child's behavior in negative terms, it will take time and practice to be able to quickly identify the desired behavior and state it in a calm and precise manner. Ultimately, what we are really accomplishing with these young children is social skills instruction through the review, reiteration and reflection of rules which govern social behavior.

Now, whether these young children will heed our attempts to enlighten them to the social graces is an entirely other matter. In particular, toddlers and two's are often resistant, if not seemingly immune, to any social skills instruction. However, don't let their reticence deter you, start early in developing social skills as it will pay divideds as children mature. Attending to or, more simply put, paying attention to children when they are acting appropriately, is the most effective way to address particular behavior problems, as well teach social skills. More on this in my next post.