Don't Fight Fire With Fire

At times, children's emotion's run hot and may erupt into a conflagration, if not a towering inferno. When confronted by fire, our basic instincts direct us to defend ourselves and our natural tendency is to fight back to extinguish the flames. However, our response to children's behavior can prove to be as scorching as the behavior itself and result in increasing the intensity of the situation. Like firefighters, sometimes its best to evacuate all nearby residents, safeguard the neighborhood and let the fire burn itself out. Other times, a response that flows like cool soothing water is best when trying to douse the flames.

Like most other natural disasters, prevention is key to mitigating the effects of fire. Establishing a safe and secure learning environment that provides regularity and routine, as well as provides clear boundaries and expectations will be key to children's stability and success. Taking time to help children develop socially and emotionally will help eliminate episodes of spontaneous combustion or stop small fires from growing into wildfires. Smokey gave us good advice when he said, "Only you can prevent forest fires." What sort of behavioral fire prevention are you conducting with children at home or at your child care program?

Joe

Joe was impulsive at preschool, having difficulty sitting still or participating in daily activities. As he moved about the classroom, he tended to go over, under or through objects or individuals in his way. He hit. He ignored constant attempts by his caregivers to redirect his behavior. Joe had learned how to attract attention and control his environment throught his disruptive and defiant behavior.

Like most children, Joe performed well in situations where he was provided with individualized attention. A caregiver worked with him for an hour each week, one-on-one, focusing on Joe's ability to stay on-task and developing the social skills that would lead to more appropriate interactions with others. He was cooperative during these individual sessions . . . until it was time to terminate the activity and for Joe to return to normal preschool activities. This transition, initiated by the caregiver, triggered all the troublesome behaviors the session was designed to diminish. Despite efforts to prompt or prepare him for the transition, it always ended with the same, unpleasant outcome. For several weeks this continued until the caregiver struck upon an idea. By giving Joe the responsibility for terminating the activity, might the transition be acheived successfully? Perhaps this approach woul help build feelings of confidence and competence, as well as meet his need for attention and control.

At the beginning of the very next session with Joe, the caregiver removed his watch and pointing to the big hand said, "When the hand reaches here, at the number two, it will be time for me to leave." Handing Joe his watch, he asked, "Would you hold my watch and keep track of the time?" Joe, excited by having the resonsibility for such an important possession, readily agreed. So Joe and his caregiver played together and, by happenstance, worked on sharing, following directions, taking turns and finishing activities, among other things. From time to time, the caregiver would ask to see the watch and, by pointing out the big hand, helped Joe determine whether the hand reached the assigned time. "Since the big hand hasn't reached the number two, can I stay and play?" inquired the caregiver. "Yes" responded Joe happily. Finally, when they reached the assigned time, the caregiver asked with some foreboding, "The big hand has reached the number two, what do I need to do?" "You need to leave" Joe said confidently. So, without fuss or complication, the caregiver retrieved his watch and did just that. And Joe, who was given the attention and control he desired, returned to his normal activities.