Whoppers
In my last post, I discussed children being able to take responsibility for their behavior. While visiting a child care center recently, the teacher and I responded to an incident on the playground where two boys were playing together in the sand. To his credit, one boy was sitting calmly in the sandbox spitting out a generous amount of sand. The other, holding a small scoop in his hand, saw our approach and exclaimed "He made me put the sand in his mouth!" This, of course, wasn't true and I almost laughed out loud that the child might think we would accept such a preposterous explanation. However, it is not unusual for children to deflect blame for their inappropriate behavior, such as the child did with the sand. Perhaps the thinking may be something like, "I'll admit that I did it, but will give you any number of outlandish reasons that may justify my behavior". Other times, children will deny any complicity whatsoever in the behavior, even thought they know it was witnessed by others, including the care provider. They may use the classic divert and blame approach where they point to the nearest available child and indicate, "He did it". Or, like a bad horror movie, they may appear as if their evil twin briefly seized possession of their body and took control of their actions.
While these behaviors are not unusual, they can be a source of great irritation and worry for caregivers. Quite simply, the response to this behavior is to consider it lying. Although lying is not one of the seven deadly sins, it could be regarded as a good candidate for number eight given the importance we place on individuals being honest and truthful. Therefore, should a behavior that is not tolerated in older children, adolescents or adults be considered differently in young children? Should a propensity for telling untruths cause us concern that young children will grow up to be perpetual liars?
Young children are early in the process of learning moral behavior . . . understanding the difference between right and wrong across a variety of situations or social settings. While we endeavor to teach appropriate behavior to young children, morality is developed over time and through the assimilation of life experience. When young children "lie" it is usually without guile or deceit and typically in response to a natural impulse to avoid negative consequences. This lack of deception or understanding of the dynamics of telling lies is often demonstrated by telling "whoppers", such as the young child with the shovel who claimed that the other child made him put sand in his mouth. Young children are just not aware of how absurd their excuses may be. Instead of taking offense, correct the behavior by articulating appropriate limits and providing consequences if needed. This is one way we help assure that young children will develop strong moral character.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
No Bad Kids
It's just too hard for me to be good all day. I'll end up exceeding the speed limit or running a yellow light on the way to work. I'll make other bad choices as well, such as leaving my healthy lunch from home and running out to Jack in the Box for a Jumbo Jack burger with curly fries and a Coke. The quarterly report to my supervisor will inevitably be late. So, if I have made some major mistakes in my behavior today, does that make me bad? I hope most reasonable people would say no, that I am generally a "good kid" who follows the rules and completes my tasks in a timely and professional manner. More importantly however, despite all my shortcomings, I am able to look at myself in a positive way, as a competent individual worthy of attention and respect . . . even of love.
With children, we often address behavior as an all or nothing proposition . . . you've either been good or you've been bad. For example, at the start of the day we may direct children to "Be good" and, at the end of the day ask them "Have you been good today?" Given the demands of a preschool environment, coupled with children's still emerging social and emotional skills, odds are that they haven't really been "good" in the way we hope or envision it. Care givers often make the mistake that young children can be circumspect about their behavior and able to assess whether they have been good or bad. Even if children were able to objectively evaluate their own actions, being able to "own-up" to inappropriate behavior may prove difficult even for the most responsible and mature adult. It is in our nature to try to protect the concept we have of ourselves as good and decent individuals by denying or deflecting the less than perfect aspects of our behavior (see my post, Biting VI, about Ego Defenses). When our focus with children is on "being good", we run the danger that they may have a difficult time separating particular inappropriate behavior with their overall feeling or concept of themselves. Particularly for children whose behavior receives frequent intervention by providers, they may develop a negative impression of themselves. This may also be reflected by other children in the learning environment when they use statements, such as; "He's bad".
To avoid this good versus bad dilemma, I focus instead on specific behavior. If the behavior problem is aggression, my interaction with children might address their use of safe hands. If the problem is oppositional behavior, I might focus on specific cooperative behaviors, such as children's inability to participate during a circle activity or to put materials away when asked. Label the specific misbehavior and address problems in a heirarchy of importance . . . the most critical first. For less critical problems, give yourself permission to allow children errors in judgement or behavior. Like other developmental skills, it may take some time to get behavior correct and constant intervention tends to become unpleasant and stressful for both children and providers alike. Finally, focus on all the appropriate things children do each and every day, it builds competence, confidence and self-esteem.
It's just too hard for me to be good all day. I'll end up exceeding the speed limit or running a yellow light on the way to work. I'll make other bad choices as well, such as leaving my healthy lunch from home and running out to Jack in the Box for a Jumbo Jack burger with curly fries and a Coke. The quarterly report to my supervisor will inevitably be late. So, if I have made some major mistakes in my behavior today, does that make me bad? I hope most reasonable people would say no, that I am generally a "good kid" who follows the rules and completes my tasks in a timely and professional manner. More importantly however, despite all my shortcomings, I am able to look at myself in a positive way, as a competent individual worthy of attention and respect . . . even of love.
With children, we often address behavior as an all or nothing proposition . . . you've either been good or you've been bad. For example, at the start of the day we may direct children to "Be good" and, at the end of the day ask them "Have you been good today?" Given the demands of a preschool environment, coupled with children's still emerging social and emotional skills, odds are that they haven't really been "good" in the way we hope or envision it. Care givers often make the mistake that young children can be circumspect about their behavior and able to assess whether they have been good or bad. Even if children were able to objectively evaluate their own actions, being able to "own-up" to inappropriate behavior may prove difficult even for the most responsible and mature adult. It is in our nature to try to protect the concept we have of ourselves as good and decent individuals by denying or deflecting the less than perfect aspects of our behavior (see my post, Biting VI, about Ego Defenses). When our focus with children is on "being good", we run the danger that they may have a difficult time separating particular inappropriate behavior with their overall feeling or concept of themselves. Particularly for children whose behavior receives frequent intervention by providers, they may develop a negative impression of themselves. This may also be reflected by other children in the learning environment when they use statements, such as; "He's bad".
To avoid this good versus bad dilemma, I focus instead on specific behavior. If the behavior problem is aggression, my interaction with children might address their use of safe hands. If the problem is oppositional behavior, I might focus on specific cooperative behaviors, such as children's inability to participate during a circle activity or to put materials away when asked. Label the specific misbehavior and address problems in a heirarchy of importance . . . the most critical first. For less critical problems, give yourself permission to allow children errors in judgement or behavior. Like other developmental skills, it may take some time to get behavior correct and constant intervention tends to become unpleasant and stressful for both children and providers alike. Finally, focus on all the appropriate things children do each and every day, it builds competence, confidence and self-esteem.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
More on Maturity
Some large child care centers are able to provide individual classroom environments for children whose chronological ages closely approximate each another. Although accommodating children of the same age, teachers recognize that these children may possess a wide range of developmental skills. Nevertheless, these classroom environments contain a fairly uniform or homogeneous group of children. Such a classroom provides many advantages for care givers in their ability to provide children with quality care including; providing age-appropriate materials and creating schedules and routines that meet most children's requirements for learning and play. However, for other child care programs, a lack of resources often require that children of disparate or diverse age groups be served in the same classroom. This creates additional challenges for teachers as they endeavor to meet the needs of children whose range of skills and abilities are broad and far-reaching. To their credit, teachers do a tremendous job coping with these challenges and providing for the unique needs of their children.
These situations often occur when children "graduate" from one classroom to another. The transitions that a two-year-old makes moving to a three-year-old classroom can be particularly difficult. We often address this as a "maturity" issue regarding children who are no longer appropriate to be served in their previous classroom but whose social, emotional, communication or cognitive skills leave them unprepared for the expectations that accompany their new learning environment. If the transition proves particularly difficult or is protracted over a long period of time, questions may also arise whether the problems children encounter are the result of immaturity or may due to a developmental delay. Because it may be difficult to determine what the basis of the problem may be, seeking additional assistance and support to assess the situation is always recommended.
When children are under stress or feeling anxious, it is not unusual for them to act immaturely or regress to behaviors that they had outgrown including; thumb sucking, nightmares, bed-wetting or "baby-talk". In addition, other indicators associated with immature behavior such as; increased activity levels, impulsivity and inattention may be pronounced when children are anxious or stressed. For suggestions regarding managing these behaviors, refer to my posts on anxiety and basic needs.
Some large child care centers are able to provide individual classroom environments for children whose chronological ages closely approximate each another. Although accommodating children of the same age, teachers recognize that these children may possess a wide range of developmental skills. Nevertheless, these classroom environments contain a fairly uniform or homogeneous group of children. Such a classroom provides many advantages for care givers in their ability to provide children with quality care including; providing age-appropriate materials and creating schedules and routines that meet most children's requirements for learning and play. However, for other child care programs, a lack of resources often require that children of disparate or diverse age groups be served in the same classroom. This creates additional challenges for teachers as they endeavor to meet the needs of children whose range of skills and abilities are broad and far-reaching. To their credit, teachers do a tremendous job coping with these challenges and providing for the unique needs of their children.
These situations often occur when children "graduate" from one classroom to another. The transitions that a two-year-old makes moving to a three-year-old classroom can be particularly difficult. We often address this as a "maturity" issue regarding children who are no longer appropriate to be served in their previous classroom but whose social, emotional, communication or cognitive skills leave them unprepared for the expectations that accompany their new learning environment. If the transition proves particularly difficult or is protracted over a long period of time, questions may also arise whether the problems children encounter are the result of immaturity or may due to a developmental delay. Because it may be difficult to determine what the basis of the problem may be, seeking additional assistance and support to assess the situation is always recommended.
When children are under stress or feeling anxious, it is not unusual for them to act immaturely or regress to behaviors that they had outgrown including; thumb sucking, nightmares, bed-wetting or "baby-talk". In addition, other indicators associated with immature behavior such as; increased activity levels, impulsivity and inattention may be pronounced when children are anxious or stressed. For suggestions regarding managing these behaviors, refer to my posts on anxiety and basic needs.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Maturity
Recently, I received several phone calls from child care providers regarding children who were having difficulty participating and cooperating in typical classroom activities. They reported active or impulsive behavior and difficulty interacting with other children . . . sometimes accompanied by hitting, pushing or other types of aggression. In each of these instances, the underlying issue appeared to be related to the child's maturity, or lack thereof.
Maturity is difficult to measure in young children. We know that children's chronological age contributes to maturity and that children should possess greater levels of maturity as they grow older. In addition, we observe that gender can also play a role with maturity and that girls often appear to mature earlier than boys. However, if I was to consider what attributes children possess that correspond to maturity, I might offer an oversimplified analogy to the baking of a cake. We would substitute our basic ingredients of flour, sugar and water with three new components; social skills acquisition, emotional development and cognitive ability. These components represent children's mastery of the principles that govern social interaction; the ability to identify and, to some degree, regulate emotion and, finally; thinking, reasoning and problem solving skills. Having assembled these ingredients and mixed them together, one final step is required before the mixture is transformed into a cake. Traditionally, the recipe calls for a baking process that requires the application of temperature over time and results in our ingredients melding together into a delicious dessert. With our cake, however, the process requires temperament and time. Temperament describes children's inclination or predisposition to modify their behavior and apply self-control, particularly in challenging situations. As you know, children can possess social, emotional and cognitive skills but still lack the inclination to modify their behavior when needed in the course of normal daily activities (sounds like a great description of a two-year-old). Time and effort are required to support children in making mature decisions regarding their behavior when their inclination may prove otherwise. Our efforts may often result in a pancake or an up-side down cake before we can successfully bake an angel food cake. Be patient, focus on your mixture of basic ingredients and allow children the flexibility to develop and grow according to their individual abilities. You won't be disappointed.
Recently, I received several phone calls from child care providers regarding children who were having difficulty participating and cooperating in typical classroom activities. They reported active or impulsive behavior and difficulty interacting with other children . . . sometimes accompanied by hitting, pushing or other types of aggression. In each of these instances, the underlying issue appeared to be related to the child's maturity, or lack thereof.
Maturity is difficult to measure in young children. We know that children's chronological age contributes to maturity and that children should possess greater levels of maturity as they grow older. In addition, we observe that gender can also play a role with maturity and that girls often appear to mature earlier than boys. However, if I was to consider what attributes children possess that correspond to maturity, I might offer an oversimplified analogy to the baking of a cake. We would substitute our basic ingredients of flour, sugar and water with three new components; social skills acquisition, emotional development and cognitive ability. These components represent children's mastery of the principles that govern social interaction; the ability to identify and, to some degree, regulate emotion and, finally; thinking, reasoning and problem solving skills. Having assembled these ingredients and mixed them together, one final step is required before the mixture is transformed into a cake. Traditionally, the recipe calls for a baking process that requires the application of temperature over time and results in our ingredients melding together into a delicious dessert. With our cake, however, the process requires temperament and time. Temperament describes children's inclination or predisposition to modify their behavior and apply self-control, particularly in challenging situations. As you know, children can possess social, emotional and cognitive skills but still lack the inclination to modify their behavior when needed in the course of normal daily activities (sounds like a great description of a two-year-old). Time and effort are required to support children in making mature decisions regarding their behavior when their inclination may prove otherwise. Our efforts may often result in a pancake or an up-side down cake before we can successfully bake an angel food cake. Be patient, focus on your mixture of basic ingredients and allow children the flexibility to develop and grow according to their individual abilities. You won't be disappointed.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Basic Needs
It is impossible to eliminate events in the lives of young children that create stress and anxiety. However, we can create an environment that enable children to weather life's storms and develop in normative ways. Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, suggested that individuals have a hierarchy of needs in developing a healthy personality and that personal growth is dependent on whether the needs of each level of the hierarchy are satisfied.
The foundation of this hierarchy provides for an individual's basic physiological needs including; air, food, water and shelter. We are fortunate in our society that our basic needs are generally well met and that we don't suffer from the dramatic disruptions that occur to many other societies due to widespread famine, disease or displacement . . . Hurricane Katrina not withstanding. However, there are still important physiological factors to consider that contribute significantly to children's healthy development and will subsequently support appropriate behavior including; diet, sleep and exercise. Providing a healthy diet, sleep that is free of disturbance or disruption and generous amounts of outdoor physical exercise are fundamental supports to young children's development, in addition to helping them combat stress and anxiety. In particular, sleep problems can have a significant impact on children's behavior, as well as affect their ability to process and retain information.
The second level of Maslow's hierarchy of healthy personality addresses an individual's need for safety and security. For young children, this means providing an environment that provides stability, structure and order. One way we accomplish this is by having routines that create comfortable rhythms for children. In a child care environment, we may formalize these routines into written schedules or daily lesson plans. Another critical component to this concept of security is providing children with clear limits or boundaries. Like a driver's manual, boundaries provide children with critical instructions on how to navigate within their environment. Without them, they will certainly veer off course, if not experience frequent mishaps on their journey through childhood. Ultimately, children's safety and security depend on our ability to protect children from danger or injury. In the childcare environment, at home or in the community, supervision of young children is required at all times.
Maslow's hierarchy of personality goes on to address our need for love and belonging, as well as the need for respect and esteem from others. Recognize, however, that children's behavior is often the result of their basic needs not being met. Until we address those needs, our efforts regarding children's behavior may prove ineffectual.
It is impossible to eliminate events in the lives of young children that create stress and anxiety. However, we can create an environment that enable children to weather life's storms and develop in normative ways. Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, suggested that individuals have a hierarchy of needs in developing a healthy personality and that personal growth is dependent on whether the needs of each level of the hierarchy are satisfied.
The foundation of this hierarchy provides for an individual's basic physiological needs including; air, food, water and shelter. We are fortunate in our society that our basic needs are generally well met and that we don't suffer from the dramatic disruptions that occur to many other societies due to widespread famine, disease or displacement . . . Hurricane Katrina not withstanding. However, there are still important physiological factors to consider that contribute significantly to children's healthy development and will subsequently support appropriate behavior including; diet, sleep and exercise. Providing a healthy diet, sleep that is free of disturbance or disruption and generous amounts of outdoor physical exercise are fundamental supports to young children's development, in addition to helping them combat stress and anxiety. In particular, sleep problems can have a significant impact on children's behavior, as well as affect their ability to process and retain information.
The second level of Maslow's hierarchy of healthy personality addresses an individual's need for safety and security. For young children, this means providing an environment that provides stability, structure and order. One way we accomplish this is by having routines that create comfortable rhythms for children. In a child care environment, we may formalize these routines into written schedules or daily lesson plans. Another critical component to this concept of security is providing children with clear limits or boundaries. Like a driver's manual, boundaries provide children with critical instructions on how to navigate within their environment. Without them, they will certainly veer off course, if not experience frequent mishaps on their journey through childhood. Ultimately, children's safety and security depend on our ability to protect children from danger or injury. In the childcare environment, at home or in the community, supervision of young children is required at all times.
Maslow's hierarchy of personality goes on to address our need for love and belonging, as well as the need for respect and esteem from others. Recognize, however, that children's behavior is often the result of their basic needs not being met. Until we address those needs, our efforts regarding children's behavior may prove ineffectual.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Triggers, Feelings and Anxiety
After eliminating possible triggers in the child care environment that might initiate bouts of crying with our 4 year-old, it was time to look at other "outside" factors that might be contributing to her behavior. While these triggers may be far removed from the child care environment in terms of time and space, they can still significantly effect children's behavior.
Triggers, in and of themselves, are merely actions or events. However, children associate particular feelings with those actions and express them through their behavior. If the feelings are intense enough, they may be expressed immediately and, perhaps, dramatically. At other times, children may carry these feelings with them where they may emerge at unexpected moments in time, if at all. Anger and frustration are two feelings often associated with children's misbehavior. One other feeling, often overlooked, is anxiety.
Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension, fear or worry. Adults have developed skills in managing anxiety, particularly the ability to put problems in perspective. That is, being able to recognize that many problems are temporary in nature and resolutions, while not immediately evident, will likely be found. Young children are still developing the emotional skills needed to cope with life's challenges, so their anxiety often overwhelm them. What are these challenges? We need look no further than our little girl who cries. Within the last six months there had been a death in the family. A parent had lost employment. Recently, an older sibling had left the household due to conflict with a parent. On their own, each of these events might have proved too much for this little girl to manage. The combination. . . devastating.
Recognize the many challenges families face and the affect on young children. Some challenges we may see infrequently: sickness, hospitalization and death; frequent moves or homelessness; substance abuse, mental illness and domestic violence. Poverty and crime. Others more frequently, such as the time apart children spend daily from their families, separation and divorce. Where do we start in helping young children with these myriad challenges? More in my next post.
After eliminating possible triggers in the child care environment that might initiate bouts of crying with our 4 year-old, it was time to look at other "outside" factors that might be contributing to her behavior. While these triggers may be far removed from the child care environment in terms of time and space, they can still significantly effect children's behavior.
Triggers, in and of themselves, are merely actions or events. However, children associate particular feelings with those actions and express them through their behavior. If the feelings are intense enough, they may be expressed immediately and, perhaps, dramatically. At other times, children may carry these feelings with them where they may emerge at unexpected moments in time, if at all. Anger and frustration are two feelings often associated with children's misbehavior. One other feeling, often overlooked, is anxiety.
Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension, fear or worry. Adults have developed skills in managing anxiety, particularly the ability to put problems in perspective. That is, being able to recognize that many problems are temporary in nature and resolutions, while not immediately evident, will likely be found. Young children are still developing the emotional skills needed to cope with life's challenges, so their anxiety often overwhelm them. What are these challenges? We need look no further than our little girl who cries. Within the last six months there had been a death in the family. A parent had lost employment. Recently, an older sibling had left the household due to conflict with a parent. On their own, each of these events might have proved too much for this little girl to manage. The combination. . . devastating.
Recognize the many challenges families face and the affect on young children. Some challenges we may see infrequently: sickness, hospitalization and death; frequent moves or homelessness; substance abuse, mental illness and domestic violence. Poverty and crime. Others more frequently, such as the time apart children spend daily from their families, separation and divorce. Where do we start in helping young children with these myriad challenges? More in my next post.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Triggers
Recently I had a child care provider call me regarding a 4 year-old who was crying. The little girl cried nearly every day and would literally cry for hours. At the time of the call, the crying behavior had been going on for more than a week and the provider was feeling exasperated and near to the end of her "rope". She had tried comforting the child, ignoring the behavior. . . nothing seemed to work. To address this little girl's crying, it was important to examine what factors may be triggering or contributing to her unhappy state of affairs.
Triggers are actions or events that initiate a behavioral response. We can usually identify these triggers through careful observation, recognizing the relationship between an event and children's corresponding behavior. Once identified, we can work to eliminate or orchestrate the triggering event to bring about a different behavioral outcome. For example, transitions from one activity to another are often difficult for young children. Recognizing that transitions often trigger oppositional behavior, we can try to orchestrate the transition in such a way to minimize potential problems, such as; singing a transition song, dimming the lights in the room or something as simple as providing extra time for the transition to occur. However, some behaviors may appear spontaneously and without an apparent triggering event. For the little girl with the crying behavior, there didn't appear to be a trigger the provider could identify from within the childcare environment. We carefully considered possible factors that might contribute to the child's behavior, such as; peer relations, provider-child relations, schedules, routines and activities, among others. Having eliminated every possibility, it was time to consider whether events taking place outside of the child care environment may be contributing to the crying behavior.
First, let me elaborate a bit more about triggers and behavior. Children's behavior may represent an unconscious response to an event or it may result from a process that is conscious and premeditated. In either circumstance, feelings play an important role in children's behavior, as will be demonstrated with the little girl who cries.
Recently I had a child care provider call me regarding a 4 year-old who was crying. The little girl cried nearly every day and would literally cry for hours. At the time of the call, the crying behavior had been going on for more than a week and the provider was feeling exasperated and near to the end of her "rope". She had tried comforting the child, ignoring the behavior. . . nothing seemed to work. To address this little girl's crying, it was important to examine what factors may be triggering or contributing to her unhappy state of affairs.
Triggers are actions or events that initiate a behavioral response. We can usually identify these triggers through careful observation, recognizing the relationship between an event and children's corresponding behavior. Once identified, we can work to eliminate or orchestrate the triggering event to bring about a different behavioral outcome. For example, transitions from one activity to another are often difficult for young children. Recognizing that transitions often trigger oppositional behavior, we can try to orchestrate the transition in such a way to minimize potential problems, such as; singing a transition song, dimming the lights in the room or something as simple as providing extra time for the transition to occur. However, some behaviors may appear spontaneously and without an apparent triggering event. For the little girl with the crying behavior, there didn't appear to be a trigger the provider could identify from within the childcare environment. We carefully considered possible factors that might contribute to the child's behavior, such as; peer relations, provider-child relations, schedules, routines and activities, among others. Having eliminated every possibility, it was time to consider whether events taking place outside of the child care environment may be contributing to the crying behavior.
First, let me elaborate a bit more about triggers and behavior. Children's behavior may represent an unconscious response to an event or it may result from a process that is conscious and premeditated. In either circumstance, feelings play an important role in children's behavior, as will be demonstrated with the little girl who cries.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
How Much Time...Away?
Many parents and providers use the one minute rule where children are "sentenced" to serve one minute in Time Out for every year of their age. Therefore, a two year-old would serve two minutes, a three year-old three minutes, etc. Unfortunately, two, three or more minutes can seem an eternity to young children and an extended Time Out can easily lead to feelings of anger and frustration that, in turn, may make it more difficult for children to manage their behavior. In Time Away, the initial consequence lasts only as long as children need to compose themselves and appear ready to return to normal activities. This may be a very short period of time, perhaps a matter of only 15-20 seconds. Again, our purpose is not to punish children or "teach them a lesson", but to separate them from the source of the problem and any attention that may reinforce misbehavior. We want to return children as quickly as possible to their normal activities and routines as they promote feelings of continuity, comfort and a sense of security. An environment that is nurturing and safe enables parents and providers in the real work of behavior change. . . encouraging and supporting children's appropriate behavior.
An inevitable question is "What do I do if the behavior continues?" The answer is not always clear and you may need to follow your heart as to your next action regarding a child. If another Time Away is appropriate, simply add some additional time after the child is calm or composed. Be reasonable, as our aim is to return the child as quickly as possible to normal activities.
Many parents and providers use the one minute rule where children are "sentenced" to serve one minute in Time Out for every year of their age. Therefore, a two year-old would serve two minutes, a three year-old three minutes, etc. Unfortunately, two, three or more minutes can seem an eternity to young children and an extended Time Out can easily lead to feelings of anger and frustration that, in turn, may make it more difficult for children to manage their behavior. In Time Away, the initial consequence lasts only as long as children need to compose themselves and appear ready to return to normal activities. This may be a very short period of time, perhaps a matter of only 15-20 seconds. Again, our purpose is not to punish children or "teach them a lesson", but to separate them from the source of the problem and any attention that may reinforce misbehavior. We want to return children as quickly as possible to their normal activities and routines as they promote feelings of continuity, comfort and a sense of security. An environment that is nurturing and safe enables parents and providers in the real work of behavior change. . . encouraging and supporting children's appropriate behavior.
An inevitable question is "What do I do if the behavior continues?" The answer is not always clear and you may need to follow your heart as to your next action regarding a child. If another Time Away is appropriate, simply add some additional time after the child is calm or composed. Be reasonable, as our aim is to return the child as quickly as possible to normal activities.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Time Away and Attention
Time Away has many similarities to Redirection, where children are directed away from the source of the problem and engaged in other activities with other children or with a provider. Time Away differs from Redirection in that children aren't given the opportunity to interact with others when separated and directed to another activity. Please note, however, in many early childhood classroom programs, any separation of a child from their peer group is considered punishment and both Time Out and Time Away are disallowed.
The theory behind Time Away is to separate children, not only from the source of the problem, but from sources of attention in the environment that reinforce behavior. Attention is a powerful influence on behavior, that is, the more attention you provide to a particular behavior or behaviors, the more likely those behavior/s will continue to occur. This holds true whether the behavior is considered appropriate or inappropriate. Typically, we provide attention or "attend to" misbehavior by interacting verbally with children. Often this takes the form of trying to direct, question or reason with children. In addition, we attend to misbehavior through facial expressions, gestures or even how our body is positioned in relation to the child in the environment. When we add emotion, we amplify our attention and create an experience that children perceive ultimately as either negative or positive. When we respond to misbehavior with negative emotion, such as anger or frustration, levels of stress increase and avenues of communication with children break down. Children end up focusing on the provider's demeanor, not on the problem, and may actually escalate their behavior in response to a perceived threat. Therefore, it is important when we employ Time Away, or any other consequence for misbehavior, not only to provide children with minimal attention but reflect an attitude of love and respect.
Even young children who are perceived to have behavior problems participate and cooperate in most daily activities at home or school. Unfortunately, this appropriate behavior is often overlooked or unnoticed. Our tendency is to over-respond to misbehavior and under-respond when children are acting appropriately. Our challenge is to change the dynamics of how we provide attention and emotion to children's behavior. Children will learn what actions receive the most attention and emotion and will adjust their behavior accordingly.
Time Away has many similarities to Redirection, where children are directed away from the source of the problem and engaged in other activities with other children or with a provider. Time Away differs from Redirection in that children aren't given the opportunity to interact with others when separated and directed to another activity. Please note, however, in many early childhood classroom programs, any separation of a child from their peer group is considered punishment and both Time Out and Time Away are disallowed.
The theory behind Time Away is to separate children, not only from the source of the problem, but from sources of attention in the environment that reinforce behavior. Attention is a powerful influence on behavior, that is, the more attention you provide to a particular behavior or behaviors, the more likely those behavior/s will continue to occur. This holds true whether the behavior is considered appropriate or inappropriate. Typically, we provide attention or "attend to" misbehavior by interacting verbally with children. Often this takes the form of trying to direct, question or reason with children. In addition, we attend to misbehavior through facial expressions, gestures or even how our body is positioned in relation to the child in the environment. When we add emotion, we amplify our attention and create an experience that children perceive ultimately as either negative or positive. When we respond to misbehavior with negative emotion, such as anger or frustration, levels of stress increase and avenues of communication with children break down. Children end up focusing on the provider's demeanor, not on the problem, and may actually escalate their behavior in response to a perceived threat. Therefore, it is important when we employ Time Away, or any other consequence for misbehavior, not only to provide children with minimal attention but reflect an attitude of love and respect.
Even young children who are perceived to have behavior problems participate and cooperate in most daily activities at home or school. Unfortunately, this appropriate behavior is often overlooked or unnoticed. Our tendency is to over-respond to misbehavior and under-respond when children are acting appropriately. Our challenge is to change the dynamics of how we provide attention and emotion to children's behavior. Children will learn what actions receive the most attention and emotion and will adjust their behavior accordingly.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Time Out and Time Away
In my previous post, I discussed Time Out and how attitude affects how we impose consequences with children. Typically, we respond to inappropriate behavior by exerting our power and dominance over children. This response is often instinctual in nature and may be driven by what we perceive as a threat to our authority. Recognize, however, that it is next to impossible for a preschool child to have authority over an adult. It is most likely that we allow ourselves to feel threatened where no real threat exists. And while Time Out is not designed to be punitive, it often becomes an ugly or harsh experience for children when adults associate negative emotions, such as; anger, frustration or humiliation in the Time Out experience. Recognize, however, that even when we disassociate negative emotions from our discipline, many children, nevertheless, will respond with difficulty to consequences. No one likes to have limits placed on their behavior and will naturally react to forces in the environment that provide those boundaries.
In Time Away, our attitude shifts away from power and dominance over the child, to one in which the adult's demeanor is supportive but devoid of attention. In providing consequences to inappropriate behavior using Time Away, we project an attitude akin to; "I'm so sorry that you've decided to act this way, you'll just have to go elsewhere until you are able to act appropriately." This is not accomplished by talking to the child, but by a gentle and respectful separation or redirection of the child away from sources of attention in the environment, particularly other children or adults. Therefore, if you're at home and a child is acting out, the child could be redirected to a number different areas within the household or even outside. In a child care situation, the child could be directed to a different learning center or area within the child care environment separate from adults or peers. The child is free to play or engage in appropriate activities in that particular setting. At home, this does not include watching television or playing video games, as these activities tend to reward or reinforce behavior.
Time Out or Time Away should only be used when other efforts have failed to help children with their behavior. Monitor children for safety at all times and be particularly vigilant when providing consequences, as children may have difficulty coping appropriately with their feelings. Next post will address the power of attention and how it relates to Time Away.
In my previous post, I discussed Time Out and how attitude affects how we impose consequences with children. Typically, we respond to inappropriate behavior by exerting our power and dominance over children. This response is often instinctual in nature and may be driven by what we perceive as a threat to our authority. Recognize, however, that it is next to impossible for a preschool child to have authority over an adult. It is most likely that we allow ourselves to feel threatened where no real threat exists. And while Time Out is not designed to be punitive, it often becomes an ugly or harsh experience for children when adults associate negative emotions, such as; anger, frustration or humiliation in the Time Out experience. Recognize, however, that even when we disassociate negative emotions from our discipline, many children, nevertheless, will respond with difficulty to consequences. No one likes to have limits placed on their behavior and will naturally react to forces in the environment that provide those boundaries.
In Time Away, our attitude shifts away from power and dominance over the child, to one in which the adult's demeanor is supportive but devoid of attention. In providing consequences to inappropriate behavior using Time Away, we project an attitude akin to; "I'm so sorry that you've decided to act this way, you'll just have to go elsewhere until you are able to act appropriately." This is not accomplished by talking to the child, but by a gentle and respectful separation or redirection of the child away from sources of attention in the environment, particularly other children or adults. Therefore, if you're at home and a child is acting out, the child could be redirected to a number different areas within the household or even outside. In a child care situation, the child could be directed to a different learning center or area within the child care environment separate from adults or peers. The child is free to play or engage in appropriate activities in that particular setting. At home, this does not include watching television or playing video games, as these activities tend to reward or reinforce behavior.
Time Out or Time Away should only be used when other efforts have failed to help children with their behavior. Monitor children for safety at all times and be particularly vigilant when providing consequences, as children may have difficulty coping appropriately with their feelings. Next post will address the power of attention and how it relates to Time Away.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Consequences
Time Out and Time Away
In my ruminations regarding biting behavior, I reviewed factors that contribute to biting and interventions you can use to encourage appropriate behavior. What I didn't address, and what many of you may have been waiting for, are a review of appropriate consequences to biting behavior. I believe consequences are essential in helping children develop internal control mechanisms that enable them to manage their own actions. However, real behavior change occurs as a result of caregivers focusing on children's appropriate behavior and investing the time in helping children acquire social skills, understand feelings and develop problem-solving abilities. In the scheme of things, consequences are fairly easy, we intervene and move on. On the other hand, supporting appropriate behavior and teaching new skills requires discipline, patience and the willingness to devote valuable time to guide and support children's' behavior each and every day. It also takes practice, for we fall into old habits of over-responding to problem behavior and under-attending to appropriate behavior.
OK, having said my peace regarding supporting appropriate behavior, just how do we consequence inappropriate behavior? I like to use something called Time Away. Most of us have heard of and many of you may employ an consequence called Time Out. In Time Out, the child typically is directed to a particular area, often a corner or a chair, in response to problem behavior. The caregiver's attitude in implementing Time Out is usually punitive in nature, that is, our outward demeanor projects a feeling that "You've been bad and I am punishing you". In a very up-front and often negative manner, the caregiver projects their power over the child to interrupt the immediate behavior problem and present an uncomfortable consequence that will, hopefully, discourage the child from engaging in that behavior in the future. Indeed, Time Out may achieve the desired result...the cessation of the problem behavior and a deterrence for the child to engage in that behavior in the future. However, for many children, Time Out often generates feelings of resentment toward the caregiver. Children may indignantly comply with the consequences of a Time Out, or might just as easily tantrum or escalate to oppositional and defiant behavior. Like all of us, young children experience the need for self-determination and control over their environment. A Time Out may actually be perceived by children as an offense to their dignity. Might we not feel the same way if we were in their shoes?
More about Time Out and Time Away in my next post.
Time Out and Time Away
In my ruminations regarding biting behavior, I reviewed factors that contribute to biting and interventions you can use to encourage appropriate behavior. What I didn't address, and what many of you may have been waiting for, are a review of appropriate consequences to biting behavior. I believe consequences are essential in helping children develop internal control mechanisms that enable them to manage their own actions. However, real behavior change occurs as a result of caregivers focusing on children's appropriate behavior and investing the time in helping children acquire social skills, understand feelings and develop problem-solving abilities. In the scheme of things, consequences are fairly easy, we intervene and move on. On the other hand, supporting appropriate behavior and teaching new skills requires discipline, patience and the willingness to devote valuable time to guide and support children's' behavior each and every day. It also takes practice, for we fall into old habits of over-responding to problem behavior and under-attending to appropriate behavior.
OK, having said my peace regarding supporting appropriate behavior, just how do we consequence inappropriate behavior? I like to use something called Time Away. Most of us have heard of and many of you may employ an consequence called Time Out. In Time Out, the child typically is directed to a particular area, often a corner or a chair, in response to problem behavior. The caregiver's attitude in implementing Time Out is usually punitive in nature, that is, our outward demeanor projects a feeling that "You've been bad and I am punishing you". In a very up-front and often negative manner, the caregiver projects their power over the child to interrupt the immediate behavior problem and present an uncomfortable consequence that will, hopefully, discourage the child from engaging in that behavior in the future. Indeed, Time Out may achieve the desired result...the cessation of the problem behavior and a deterrence for the child to engage in that behavior in the future. However, for many children, Time Out often generates feelings of resentment toward the caregiver. Children may indignantly comply with the consequences of a Time Out, or might just as easily tantrum or escalate to oppositional and defiant behavior. Like all of us, young children experience the need for self-determination and control over their environment. A Time Out may actually be perceived by children as an offense to their dignity. Might we not feel the same way if we were in their shoes?
More about Time Out and Time Away in my next post.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Attention and Emotion
Children will modify their behavior based upon feedback they receive from the surrounding environment. If the environment attends or responds to inappropriate behavior, then it will perpetuate inappropriate behavior. However, if the environment attends to or reinforces appropriate behavior, then more appropriate behavior will ensue, much to the delight of caregivers. Labeled praise helps the child clarify what specific behavior/s are targeted for attention by the caregiver. This doesn't necessarily result in a eureka moment, where the child suddenly realizes "Hey! Whenever I use my safe hands with my friends, my caregivers shower me with love and attention so I'll just use my safe hands more often" (although this may very well take place). Usually, it is a more subtle or unconcious process that takes place, but it is still successful in modifying behavior.
Emotion amplifies our attending behavior. We often respond to problem behaviors with negative emotion; a raised voice, piercing stare or furrowed brow and a wagging finger. This negative emotion makes your attention that much more potent and reinforces the inappropriate behavior. It also increases levels of stress for all parties involved, making communication and problem-solving more difficult and increasing the chances of additional behavior problems. So, for inappropriate behavior, limit the amount of attention you provide and manage negative emotions. For appropriate behavior, pay close attention and use labeled praise liberally, as well as employ all your positive emotions, such as smiling, intonation of voice and nurturing touch. This is important not only in increasing your level of attention, but it also communicates to children that you are a caregiver who values them as individuals and are worthy of their trust. Cooperation and compliance improves with children who trust their caregiver.
Attending to behavior using labeled praise and positive emotion work effectively with young children or preschoolers. However, don't be surprised when you try to use these techniques with older children that they consider you odd, silly or even worse. These children have matured and a more mature approach is needed to address their problem behavior.
Children will modify their behavior based upon feedback they receive from the surrounding environment. If the environment attends or responds to inappropriate behavior, then it will perpetuate inappropriate behavior. However, if the environment attends to or reinforces appropriate behavior, then more appropriate behavior will ensue, much to the delight of caregivers. Labeled praise helps the child clarify what specific behavior/s are targeted for attention by the caregiver. This doesn't necessarily result in a eureka moment, where the child suddenly realizes "Hey! Whenever I use my safe hands with my friends, my caregivers shower me with love and attention so I'll just use my safe hands more often" (although this may very well take place). Usually, it is a more subtle or unconcious process that takes place, but it is still successful in modifying behavior.
Emotion amplifies our attending behavior. We often respond to problem behaviors with negative emotion; a raised voice, piercing stare or furrowed brow and a wagging finger. This negative emotion makes your attention that much more potent and reinforces the inappropriate behavior. It also increases levels of stress for all parties involved, making communication and problem-solving more difficult and increasing the chances of additional behavior problems. So, for inappropriate behavior, limit the amount of attention you provide and manage negative emotions. For appropriate behavior, pay close attention and use labeled praise liberally, as well as employ all your positive emotions, such as smiling, intonation of voice and nurturing touch. This is important not only in increasing your level of attention, but it also communicates to children that you are a caregiver who values them as individuals and are worthy of their trust. Cooperation and compliance improves with children who trust their caregiver.
Attending to behavior using labeled praise and positive emotion work effectively with young children or preschoolers. However, don't be surprised when you try to use these techniques with older children that they consider you odd, silly or even worse. These children have matured and a more mature approach is needed to address their problem behavior.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Preschool Wisdom
The Toddler's Creed
If I like it, it's mine.
If I want it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If it looks like mine, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I give it to you and want it later, it's mine.
If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Biting Hurts VIII
Attending To Behavior
Paying attention to appropriate behavior is an effective strategy to teach social skills and address particular behavior problems. Simply stated, catch children "being good". However, it's not enough just to provide praise, such as "good job" or "awesome", it is also important to detail or label the behavior in which the child is engaged. For example, in biting behavior, recognize any moment in time (teachable moment) when a child physically interacts with another child in an appropriate way (particularly in stressful situations or under conditions that have been recognized to trigger biting behavior) and reinforce the behavior using labeled praise such as, "I like the way you are playing safely with your friend. Good Job!" For climbing behavior, the labeled praise might go something like, "I like the way you are keeping your feet on the floor. Way to go!" During cooperative play, such as when two children are working on a puzzle together, the caregiver might state, "I like the way you are sharing your toy with your friend! Awesome".
Being more aware of our behavior also helps us to be more in control over our behavior. For many of our toddlers and two's, behavior is the result of impulsive or unconcious processes. Before children can make good decisions or choices regarding their actions, they must first experience a greater awareness or realization of their immediate behavior. Labeled praise serves the purpose of helping call childrens' attention to their behavior.
Labeled praise also sends a message that caregivers find particular behaviors more important or "praiseworthy" than others and that they will seek out children who engage in these behaviors to provide them with attention. The need for attention is a powerful motivator that shapes childrens' behavior. If caregivers' consistantly attend to appropriate behavior and minimize the amount of attention they provide in response to inappropriate behavior, children will modify their behavior accordingly. More on this later.
Attending To Behavior
Paying attention to appropriate behavior is an effective strategy to teach social skills and address particular behavior problems. Simply stated, catch children "being good". However, it's not enough just to provide praise, such as "good job" or "awesome", it is also important to detail or label the behavior in which the child is engaged. For example, in biting behavior, recognize any moment in time (teachable moment) when a child physically interacts with another child in an appropriate way (particularly in stressful situations or under conditions that have been recognized to trigger biting behavior) and reinforce the behavior using labeled praise such as, "I like the way you are playing safely with your friend. Good Job!" For climbing behavior, the labeled praise might go something like, "I like the way you are keeping your feet on the floor. Way to go!" During cooperative play, such as when two children are working on a puzzle together, the caregiver might state, "I like the way you are sharing your toy with your friend! Awesome".
Being more aware of our behavior also helps us to be more in control over our behavior. For many of our toddlers and two's, behavior is the result of impulsive or unconcious processes. Before children can make good decisions or choices regarding their actions, they must first experience a greater awareness or realization of their immediate behavior. Labeled praise serves the purpose of helping call childrens' attention to their behavior.
Labeled praise also sends a message that caregivers find particular behaviors more important or "praiseworthy" than others and that they will seek out children who engage in these behaviors to provide them with attention. The need for attention is a powerful motivator that shapes childrens' behavior. If caregivers' consistantly attend to appropriate behavior and minimize the amount of attention they provide in response to inappropriate behavior, children will modify their behavior accordingly. More on this later.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Biting Hurts VII
Start Statements
Since toddlers and two's are learning the rules regarding appropriate behavior, I keep verbal instruction short, simple and non-confrontational. First, avoid the "no", "stop" and "don't" words or variations on the theme, such as "quit it" and "uh, uh, uh". Think of what it is that you want the child to do, not what you want the child to stop doing. Then, state it in simple, positive and universal terms. In the case of biting, the statement might be "We play safely with our friends" or "We use our teeth to chew food" (I'm not concerned whether the child might be aware of any implied meaning, such as, "We don't chew our friends!"). In response to climbing behavior, we might state "Our feet stay on the floor" or, in the case of hitting or pushing, it might be "We use our safe hands with Joe". Because we are so often used to responding to child's behavior in negative terms, it will take time and practice to be able to quickly identify the desired behavior and state it in a calm and precise manner. Ultimately, what we are really accomplishing with these young children is social skills instruction through the review, reiteration and reflection of rules which govern social behavior.
Now, whether these young children will heed our attempts to enlighten them to the social graces is an entirely other matter. In particular, toddlers and two's are often resistant, if not seemingly immune, to any social skills instruction. However, don't let their reticence deter you, start early in developing social skills as it will pay divideds as children mature. Attending to or, more simply put, paying attention to children when they are acting appropriately, is the most effective way to address particular behavior problems, as well teach social skills. More on this in my next post.
Start Statements
Since toddlers and two's are learning the rules regarding appropriate behavior, I keep verbal instruction short, simple and non-confrontational. First, avoid the "no", "stop" and "don't" words or variations on the theme, such as "quit it" and "uh, uh, uh". Think of what it is that you want the child to do, not what you want the child to stop doing. Then, state it in simple, positive and universal terms. In the case of biting, the statement might be "We play safely with our friends" or "We use our teeth to chew food" (I'm not concerned whether the child might be aware of any implied meaning, such as, "We don't chew our friends!"). In response to climbing behavior, we might state "Our feet stay on the floor" or, in the case of hitting or pushing, it might be "We use our safe hands with Joe". Because we are so often used to responding to child's behavior in negative terms, it will take time and practice to be able to quickly identify the desired behavior and state it in a calm and precise manner. Ultimately, what we are really accomplishing with these young children is social skills instruction through the review, reiteration and reflection of rules which govern social behavior.
Now, whether these young children will heed our attempts to enlighten them to the social graces is an entirely other matter. In particular, toddlers and two's are often resistant, if not seemingly immune, to any social skills instruction. However, don't let their reticence deter you, start early in developing social skills as it will pay divideds as children mature. Attending to or, more simply put, paying attention to children when they are acting appropriately, is the most effective way to address particular behavior problems, as well teach social skills. More on this in my next post.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Biting VI
Stress Factors
What should be our immediate response when a child bites? Caregivers provide a range of responses (consequences) to biting behavior including: talking to the child; assisting the child in providing aid to the victim, such as holding a cool washcloth on the injured area; time-out or a combination of all-of-the-above. I let several factors dictate my response to providing consequences to biting or other behaviors including: intensity or, the degree or magnitude of the behavior; frequency or, how often the behavior occurs; and intuition, or that combination of thought and feeling that helps take into account the unique needs of the child and the circumstances in which the behavior occurs. For example, an intense or frequent behavior would generally dictate that the caregiver provide a significant consequence however, intuition may guide us to a different response.
Let me be up-front, I find that consequences that involve talking to children about their behavior to be over-rated and often counter-productive, particularly with toddlers or two year-olds who haven't developed the cognitive skills or the social or emotional maturity to process opinion or reach reasoned and rational decisions about their behavior. In addition, any interaction with children in response to inappropriate behavior will create stress and, generally, stressful conditions make communication more difficult. Tone of voice and outward demeanor can add to stress, particularly if caregivers act in a harsh or severe manner. Even when no implied physical threat exists, there still may be a perception of a psychological threat when our actions or behavior are challenged by others. In theory, unconcious processes called Ego Defenses or Ego Defense Mechanisms, whose purpose is to reduce anxiety, block unwanted or undesirable information from entering our conciousness. An example of one ego defense, denial, would be if a caregiver confronted a child about inappropriate behavior and the child claimed total innocence, became argumentative or, perhaps, pointed to another child on which to lay the blame. In this instance, the child sought to avoid the anxiety that would result from the conflict created by the inappropriate behavior versus the concept or belief of being an honorable and virtuous individual. Bottom line, it's "good kid" versus "bad kid"... and denial allows none of us to be the bad kid.
So, when responding to biting behavior what can you say, if anything? And, what are appropriate consequences for biting behavior? More in my next post.
Stress Factors
What should be our immediate response when a child bites? Caregivers provide a range of responses (consequences) to biting behavior including: talking to the child; assisting the child in providing aid to the victim, such as holding a cool washcloth on the injured area; time-out or a combination of all-of-the-above. I let several factors dictate my response to providing consequences to biting or other behaviors including: intensity or, the degree or magnitude of the behavior; frequency or, how often the behavior occurs; and intuition, or that combination of thought and feeling that helps take into account the unique needs of the child and the circumstances in which the behavior occurs. For example, an intense or frequent behavior would generally dictate that the caregiver provide a significant consequence however, intuition may guide us to a different response.
Let me be up-front, I find that consequences that involve talking to children about their behavior to be over-rated and often counter-productive, particularly with toddlers or two year-olds who haven't developed the cognitive skills or the social or emotional maturity to process opinion or reach reasoned and rational decisions about their behavior. In addition, any interaction with children in response to inappropriate behavior will create stress and, generally, stressful conditions make communication more difficult. Tone of voice and outward demeanor can add to stress, particularly if caregivers act in a harsh or severe manner. Even when no implied physical threat exists, there still may be a perception of a psychological threat when our actions or behavior are challenged by others. In theory, unconcious processes called Ego Defenses or Ego Defense Mechanisms, whose purpose is to reduce anxiety, block unwanted or undesirable information from entering our conciousness. An example of one ego defense, denial, would be if a caregiver confronted a child about inappropriate behavior and the child claimed total innocence, became argumentative or, perhaps, pointed to another child on which to lay the blame. In this instance, the child sought to avoid the anxiety that would result from the conflict created by the inappropriate behavior versus the concept or belief of being an honorable and virtuous individual. Bottom line, it's "good kid" versus "bad kid"... and denial allows none of us to be the bad kid.
So, when responding to biting behavior what can you say, if anything? And, what are appropriate consequences for biting behavior? More in my next post.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Biting V
Transitions and Teachable Moments
We know that transitions are difficult for young children and that changes in schedule or routine create stress that may lead to behaviors such as biting. Schedule and routine create continuity and order in the lives of young children, enhancing their overall feelings of safety and security. Children who feel safe and secure in their environment will be happier, more compliant and less prone to act-out inappropriately in stressful situations. However, disruptions to routine and transitions from one activity to another occur daily no matter how organized or prepared caregivers may be. However, when these disruptions occur, recognize that particular attention is needed to re-establish normal order and routine. In scientific terms, its called homeostasis, or "a relatively stable state of equilibrium or a tendency toward such a state between different but interdependent elements or groups of elements of an organism, population or group".
When speaking recently with the parent's of a child who bites, we were able to identify that the child had a particularly difficult day when arriving late to the childcare program following a doctor's appointment. While the appointment disrupted the child's schedule and led to difficulty transitioning to the childcare environment, it also highlighted health issues as another source of stress for the child. It is difficult for any of us to be on our best behavior when we're not feeling well. Young children often suffer from colds, respiratory problems and stomach ailments, not to mention a whole host of other childhood illnesses. Ear infections are common in children and can be a chronic source of discomfort. Teeth are coming in. Its no wonder that young children may behave inappropriately given the all the stress they're under!
Teachable moments are unplanned and spontaneous occurences in which a caregiver recognizes special opportunities to teach or reinforce skills or behavior. These opportunities present themselves numerous times each day to the astute caregiver who is intent on supporting children's learning. For a child who bites, caregivers should look for opportunities where the child is engaged in appropriate social behavior and call their attention to it, such as when the child is cooperating with peers through sharing, taking turns or other helping behaviors. Moreover, it is critical for the caregiver to acknowledge when a child physically interacts with other children appropriately, such as recognizing their use of safe, soft or gentle hands. In addition, caregivers should also look for opportunities to help children improve their emotional skills by increasing awareness of the feelings they experience in relation to a particular situation or event. Children experience intense feelings but may not be aware that their immediate emotion is anger or frustration or sadness or one of the other innumerable feelings that make up the human experience. Recognition or awareness of an emotional state is essential in order for children to be able to make decisions about how to express those feelings appropriately. Since emotional self-awareness is rudimentary among our toddlers and two's, making good decisions about how to express strong feelings appropriately is extremely difficult and will almost always require a caregiver to provide assistance and support.
Transitions and Teachable Moments
We know that transitions are difficult for young children and that changes in schedule or routine create stress that may lead to behaviors such as biting. Schedule and routine create continuity and order in the lives of young children, enhancing their overall feelings of safety and security. Children who feel safe and secure in their environment will be happier, more compliant and less prone to act-out inappropriately in stressful situations. However, disruptions to routine and transitions from one activity to another occur daily no matter how organized or prepared caregivers may be. However, when these disruptions occur, recognize that particular attention is needed to re-establish normal order and routine. In scientific terms, its called homeostasis, or "a relatively stable state of equilibrium or a tendency toward such a state between different but interdependent elements or groups of elements of an organism, population or group".
When speaking recently with the parent's of a child who bites, we were able to identify that the child had a particularly difficult day when arriving late to the childcare program following a doctor's appointment. While the appointment disrupted the child's schedule and led to difficulty transitioning to the childcare environment, it also highlighted health issues as another source of stress for the child. It is difficult for any of us to be on our best behavior when we're not feeling well. Young children often suffer from colds, respiratory problems and stomach ailments, not to mention a whole host of other childhood illnesses. Ear infections are common in children and can be a chronic source of discomfort. Teeth are coming in. Its no wonder that young children may behave inappropriately given the all the stress they're under!
Teachable moments are unplanned and spontaneous occurences in which a caregiver recognizes special opportunities to teach or reinforce skills or behavior. These opportunities present themselves numerous times each day to the astute caregiver who is intent on supporting children's learning. For a child who bites, caregivers should look for opportunities where the child is engaged in appropriate social behavior and call their attention to it, such as when the child is cooperating with peers through sharing, taking turns or other helping behaviors. Moreover, it is critical for the caregiver to acknowledge when a child physically interacts with other children appropriately, such as recognizing their use of safe, soft or gentle hands. In addition, caregivers should also look for opportunities to help children improve their emotional skills by increasing awareness of the feelings they experience in relation to a particular situation or event. Children experience intense feelings but may not be aware that their immediate emotion is anger or frustration or sadness or one of the other innumerable feelings that make up the human experience. Recognition or awareness of an emotional state is essential in order for children to be able to make decisions about how to express those feelings appropriately. Since emotional self-awareness is rudimentary among our toddlers and two's, making good decisions about how to express strong feelings appropriately is extremely difficult and will almost always require a caregiver to provide assistance and support.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Biting IV
Temperament
Stress factors, such as the arrival, or the pending arrival of a new baby in the family can contribute greatly to children's anxiety levels. Stress is a normal and natural part of daily life and often contributes to optimal performance or, what we may refer as "working best when under pressure". However, when stress becomes too overwhelming it impacts negatively on performance and may trigger inappropriate behavior.
Young children can have an extremely low tolerance to stress due to their limited social and emotional skills. However, there exists another factor that influences how children respond to stress, as well as how they engage and interact with the world around them. This factor, temperament, represents an particular emotional response that children express through characteristic or habitual behavior. These peculiar behaviors we might describe in terms of a child being generally "laid-back", "easy-going", "sensitive", "impatient" or "short-tempered". Our experience with children and observation of their emotional responses over time provide insight into temperament and how we might expect children to behave under certain conditions. In addition, experience and knowledge of children's temperament will support our efforts and intuition on how best to address problem behavior.
Developing social and emotional skills help children manage habitual behavior. For example, teaching a two year-old the process of how to appropriately engage with a peer in cooperative play can help compensate for a natural tendency for shyness (under-engagement) or for frustration and anger (over-engagement). Helping and supporting toddler's and two's in the acquistion of social and emotional skills will be the most important intervention in addressing biting and other behaviors. Toddler's and two's are not always open to direct instruction, so an indirect approach is often best. "Teachable moments" provide caregivers with numerous opportunities throughout the day to acknowledge and reinforce skills and behavior.
My next post will discuss environmental factors that affect stress, particularly the importance of schedule and routine in supporting children's behavior, as well as more about teachable moments.
Temperament
Stress factors, such as the arrival, or the pending arrival of a new baby in the family can contribute greatly to children's anxiety levels. Stress is a normal and natural part of daily life and often contributes to optimal performance or, what we may refer as "working best when under pressure". However, when stress becomes too overwhelming it impacts negatively on performance and may trigger inappropriate behavior.
Young children can have an extremely low tolerance to stress due to their limited social and emotional skills. However, there exists another factor that influences how children respond to stress, as well as how they engage and interact with the world around them. This factor, temperament, represents an particular emotional response that children express through characteristic or habitual behavior. These peculiar behaviors we might describe in terms of a child being generally "laid-back", "easy-going", "sensitive", "impatient" or "short-tempered". Our experience with children and observation of their emotional responses over time provide insight into temperament and how we might expect children to behave under certain conditions. In addition, experience and knowledge of children's temperament will support our efforts and intuition on how best to address problem behavior.
Developing social and emotional skills help children manage habitual behavior. For example, teaching a two year-old the process of how to appropriately engage with a peer in cooperative play can help compensate for a natural tendency for shyness (under-engagement) or for frustration and anger (over-engagement). Helping and supporting toddler's and two's in the acquistion of social and emotional skills will be the most important intervention in addressing biting and other behaviors. Toddler's and two's are not always open to direct instruction, so an indirect approach is often best. "Teachable moments" provide caregivers with numerous opportunities throughout the day to acknowledge and reinforce skills and behavior.
My next post will discuss environmental factors that affect stress, particularly the importance of schedule and routine in supporting children's behavior, as well as more about teachable moments.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Biting Hurts III
Triggers and Stress
How do we determine what triggers biting behavior? First of all, I never recommend that you ask young children, particularly toddlers or two year-olds, why they bite or engage in any other particular behavior. "Why did you bite?" is a rhetorical question in which we are just giving voice to our frustration regarding the child's behavior and our inability to adequately respond to it. We never will receive a satifactory answer. Even as an adult, I'm often not able to explain why I do some of the things I do. I just do them.
As you see, behavior can be unconcious and a function of habit or impulse. Even when behavior appears purposeful, that is, apparently concious and calculated, habit and impulse can continue to be a factor in children's behavior. While children may "choose" to engage in a particular behavior, unconcious processes may still play a significant role in initiating the behavior. Unusual as it sounds, it's as if I can't help myself from deciding to act this way.
In a way, you could consider that habit and impulse trigger behavior. However, its very difficult to address a phenomenon like impulsiveness. However, we can look at stress factors that create anxiety for young children and might lead to impulsive behavior. In my conversations with parents, I am always interested in what stress factors may be present in the home environment and whether children might be responding to stress through their biting or other behaviors while at childcare. In assessing stress, first determine that the child is sleeping well, eating appropriately and getting adequate exercise. These three "legs" create a strong foundation on which to build children's behavioral skills. Disruption or loss of sleep, poor diet and lack of exercise create significant amounts of stress for a developing child. Any efforts you make to affect a positive change in behavior will be handicapped if these three basic needs are not adequately met. Other stress factors that affect children and may be present in the home environment include; sickness or death in the family, frequent moves, mental health or substance abuse issues and loss of work or income, among others. In the case of the parents I had recently met with, none of these issues appeared to factor into the biting behavior. However, one issue did present itself and that was...a new baby on the way! And, wouldn't you know it, new babies in the family can rank pretty high on children's stress scales. More about new babies, stress and triggers in my next post.
Triggers and Stress
How do we determine what triggers biting behavior? First of all, I never recommend that you ask young children, particularly toddlers or two year-olds, why they bite or engage in any other particular behavior. "Why did you bite?" is a rhetorical question in which we are just giving voice to our frustration regarding the child's behavior and our inability to adequately respond to it. We never will receive a satifactory answer. Even as an adult, I'm often not able to explain why I do some of the things I do. I just do them.
As you see, behavior can be unconcious and a function of habit or impulse. Even when behavior appears purposeful, that is, apparently concious and calculated, habit and impulse can continue to be a factor in children's behavior. While children may "choose" to engage in a particular behavior, unconcious processes may still play a significant role in initiating the behavior. Unusual as it sounds, it's as if I can't help myself from deciding to act this way.
In a way, you could consider that habit and impulse trigger behavior. However, its very difficult to address a phenomenon like impulsiveness. However, we can look at stress factors that create anxiety for young children and might lead to impulsive behavior. In my conversations with parents, I am always interested in what stress factors may be present in the home environment and whether children might be responding to stress through their biting or other behaviors while at childcare. In assessing stress, first determine that the child is sleeping well, eating appropriately and getting adequate exercise. These three "legs" create a strong foundation on which to build children's behavioral skills. Disruption or loss of sleep, poor diet and lack of exercise create significant amounts of stress for a developing child. Any efforts you make to affect a positive change in behavior will be handicapped if these three basic needs are not adequately met. Other stress factors that affect children and may be present in the home environment include; sickness or death in the family, frequent moves, mental health or substance abuse issues and loss of work or income, among others. In the case of the parents I had recently met with, none of these issues appeared to factor into the biting behavior. However, one issue did present itself and that was...a new baby on the way! And, wouldn't you know it, new babies in the family can rank pretty high on children's stress scales. More about new babies, stress and triggers in my next post.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Biting Hurts II
Communicating Feelings
For some odd reason, whenever I receive a referral regarding biting behavior, the image of Jaws comes to mind. No, not a Great White Shark but the 7 foot tall human nemesis in the James Bond movies; The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker. You know, the big guy with the metal teeth that could bite through just about anything and with a face only a mother could love. Perhaps, I conjure up his image because I feel that the typical toddler or two year-old who bites often gives me as much of a challenge as Jaws did with 007.
Two years-olds are full of themselves. They are so full of themselves that they have difficulty seeing beyond their own self-centered wants and needs, are full of energy, full of new skills and emerging competencies, as well as full of intense feelings that often overwhelm their still limited abilities. For example, if I am full of frustration due to a situation that occurs in my childcare environment and I haven't yet learned the expressive language skills with which to articulate those feelings or to communicate my wants or needs, I will rely on my limited repertoire of behavioral skills to express myself. Biting is about as basic a form of communication that you will find. As far as social skills, such as being able to follow guidelines that moderate interactions with others, such as sharing or taking turns or, emotional skills, such as being able regulate feelings or empathizing with others, two year-olds...well, I won't even go there.
Trying to discern what the child is communicating through biting behavior may not be clear, but providers need to explore what factors may be contributing to the behavior. These factors may be found both within the childcare environment, as well as outside of the childcare environment. Again, communication between providers and parents will help identify possible triggers to the child's biting and help determine a successful outcome to the behavior. More on triggers in my next post.
Communicating Feelings
For some odd reason, whenever I receive a referral regarding biting behavior, the image of Jaws comes to mind. No, not a Great White Shark but the 7 foot tall human nemesis in the James Bond movies; The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker. You know, the big guy with the metal teeth that could bite through just about anything and with a face only a mother could love. Perhaps, I conjure up his image because I feel that the typical toddler or two year-old who bites often gives me as much of a challenge as Jaws did with 007.
Two years-olds are full of themselves. They are so full of themselves that they have difficulty seeing beyond their own self-centered wants and needs, are full of energy, full of new skills and emerging competencies, as well as full of intense feelings that often overwhelm their still limited abilities. For example, if I am full of frustration due to a situation that occurs in my childcare environment and I haven't yet learned the expressive language skills with which to articulate those feelings or to communicate my wants or needs, I will rely on my limited repertoire of behavioral skills to express myself. Biting is about as basic a form of communication that you will find. As far as social skills, such as being able to follow guidelines that moderate interactions with others, such as sharing or taking turns or, emotional skills, such as being able regulate feelings or empathizing with others, two year-olds...well, I won't even go there.
Trying to discern what the child is communicating through biting behavior may not be clear, but providers need to explore what factors may be contributing to the behavior. These factors may be found both within the childcare environment, as well as outside of the childcare environment. Again, communication between providers and parents will help identify possible triggers to the child's biting and help determine a successful outcome to the behavior. More on triggers in my next post.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Biting Hurts
Sharing Information
I had the opportunity this morning to meet with the parents of a two year-old child who frequently bites while at childcare. For a variety of reasons, biting is one of the most challenging behaviors I get called about. Biting can be an emotionally charged issue which stirs strong emotions in adults. For the parents with whom I met, as with many parents of children who bite and the childcare providers who care for them, they are anxious to find a solution that will quickly remedy the problem. Often, they are experiencing feelings of frustration, guilt and embarassment associated with the child's behavior and their inability to affect positive change or to maintain a safe environment for the other children in their care. Biting often leaves visible marks on a child, which in turn, elicits strong feelings by the parents of the child who is victimized by a biter. Finding an angry-looking mouthed-shaped welt on your child's cheek will immediately envoke a viseral and instinctual response to do whatever it takes to protect your child. Don't be surprised if some parents demand that the biter be removed from childcare. Finally, biting can be a painful experience for a young child who depends on a safe and secure environment in which to growth and learn. Children may not only experience feelings of apprehension or fear regarding a child who bites, but may also generalize those feelings to the childcare environment and, ultimately, may lose trust in their caregivers to take care of their basic needs if they continue to experience repeated assaults.
Since biting behavior can be such an emotionally charged issue, communication is critical. For providers, this means being open and up-front with parents regarding the presence of this behavior in the classroom and to provide them with information regarding biting behavior. You can find information on the web to print-out and share with parents regarding biting, including www.preschooleducation.com and www.parent.ivillage.com. As with any behavior, parents and providers need to work together to effectively address biting, as well as to support one another in their efforts to address what, at times, can seem to be an intractable behavior. In additional posts, I will discuss biting and the challenges of working with two year-olds and explore a multi-faceted approach to addressing biting behavior.
Sharing Information
I had the opportunity this morning to meet with the parents of a two year-old child who frequently bites while at childcare. For a variety of reasons, biting is one of the most challenging behaviors I get called about. Biting can be an emotionally charged issue which stirs strong emotions in adults. For the parents with whom I met, as with many parents of children who bite and the childcare providers who care for them, they are anxious to find a solution that will quickly remedy the problem. Often, they are experiencing feelings of frustration, guilt and embarassment associated with the child's behavior and their inability to affect positive change or to maintain a safe environment for the other children in their care. Biting often leaves visible marks on a child, which in turn, elicits strong feelings by the parents of the child who is victimized by a biter. Finding an angry-looking mouthed-shaped welt on your child's cheek will immediately envoke a viseral and instinctual response to do whatever it takes to protect your child. Don't be surprised if some parents demand that the biter be removed from childcare. Finally, biting can be a painful experience for a young child who depends on a safe and secure environment in which to growth and learn. Children may not only experience feelings of apprehension or fear regarding a child who bites, but may also generalize those feelings to the childcare environment and, ultimately, may lose trust in their caregivers to take care of their basic needs if they continue to experience repeated assaults.
Since biting behavior can be such an emotionally charged issue, communication is critical. For providers, this means being open and up-front with parents regarding the presence of this behavior in the classroom and to provide them with information regarding biting behavior. You can find information on the web to print-out and share with parents regarding biting, including www.preschooleducation.com and www.parent.ivillage.com. As with any behavior, parents and providers need to work together to effectively address biting, as well as to support one another in their efforts to address what, at times, can seem to be an intractable behavior. In additional posts, I will discuss biting and the challenges of working with two year-olds and explore a multi-faceted approach to addressing biting behavior.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)