Whoppers

In my last post, I discussed children being able to take responsibility for their behavior. While visiting a child care center recently, the teacher and I responded to an incident on the playground where two boys were playing together in the sand. To his credit, one boy was sitting calmly in the sandbox spitting out a generous amount of sand. The other, holding a small scoop in his hand, saw our approach and exclaimed "He made me put the sand in his mouth!" This, of course, wasn't true and I almost laughed out loud that the child might think we would accept such a preposterous explanation. However, it is not unusual for children to deflect blame for their inappropriate behavior, such as the child did with the sand. Perhaps the thinking may be something like, "I'll admit that I did it, but will give you any number of outlandish reasons that may justify my behavior". Other times, children will deny any complicity whatsoever in the behavior, even thought they know it was witnessed by others, including the care provider. They may use the classic divert and blame approach where they point to the nearest available child and indicate, "He did it". Or, like a bad horror movie, they may appear as if their evil twin briefly seized possession of their body and took control of their actions.

While these behaviors are not unusual, they can be a source of great irritation and worry for caregivers. Quite simply, the response to this behavior is to consider it lying. Although lying is not one of the seven deadly sins, it could be regarded as a good candidate for number eight given the importance we place on individuals being honest and truthful. Therefore, should a behavior that is not tolerated in older children, adolescents or adults be considered differently in young children? Should a propensity for telling untruths cause us concern that young children will grow up to be perpetual liars?

Young children are early in the process of learning moral behavior . . . understanding the difference between right and wrong across a variety of situations or social settings. While we endeavor to teach appropriate behavior to young children, morality is developed over time and through the assimilation of life experience. When young children "lie" it is usually without guile or deceit and typically in response to a natural impulse to avoid negative consequences. This lack of deception or understanding of the dynamics of telling lies is often demonstrated by telling "whoppers", such as the young child with the shovel who claimed that the other child made him put sand in his mouth. Young children are just not aware of how absurd their excuses may be. Instead of taking offense, correct the behavior by articulating appropriate limits and providing consequences if needed. This is one way we help assure that young children will develop strong moral character.