Biting VI
Stress Factors

What should be our immediate response when a child bites? Caregivers provide a range of responses (consequences) to biting behavior including: talking to the child; assisting the child in providing aid to the victim, such as holding a cool washcloth on the injured area; time-out or a combination of all-of-the-above. I let several factors dictate my response to providing consequences to biting or other behaviors including: intensity or, the degree or magnitude of the behavior; frequency or, how often the behavior occurs; and intuition, or that combination of thought and feeling that helps take into account the unique needs of the child and the circumstances in which the behavior occurs. For example, an intense or frequent behavior would generally dictate that the caregiver provide a significant consequence however, intuition may guide us to a different response.

Let me be up-front, I find that consequences that involve talking to children about their behavior to be over-rated and often counter-productive, particularly with toddlers or two year-olds who haven't developed the cognitive skills or the social or emotional maturity to process opinion or reach reasoned and rational decisions about their behavior. In addition, any interaction with children in response to inappropriate behavior will create stress and, generally, stressful conditions make communication more difficult. Tone of voice and outward demeanor can add to stress, particularly if caregivers act in a harsh or severe manner. Even when no implied physical threat exists, there still may be a perception of a psychological threat when our actions or behavior are challenged by others. In theory, unconcious processes called Ego Defenses or Ego Defense Mechanisms, whose purpose is to reduce anxiety, block unwanted or undesirable information from entering our conciousness. An example of one ego defense, denial, would be if a caregiver confronted a child about inappropriate behavior and the child claimed total innocence, became argumentative or, perhaps, pointed to another child on which to lay the blame. In this instance, the child sought to avoid the anxiety that would result from the conflict created by the inappropriate behavior versus the concept or belief of being an honorable and virtuous individual. Bottom line, it's "good kid" versus "bad kid"... and denial allows none of us to be the bad kid.

So, when responding to biting behavior what can you say, if anything? And, what are appropriate consequences for biting behavior? More in my next post.